Noises of the Night

Last night, I woke up approximately 9, 10, maybe 11 times. Not because I wasn't tired because trust me, I was. The issue - which, by the way, is a persistent one - is that this neighborhood, or maybe this country in general, is very loud in the wee morning hours. It lures me into a false sense of security as my eyelids fall down and I think that tonight I will finally have that one, restful, peaceful night where nothing and no one disturbs my beauty sleep. But soon, my eyes flutter awake by the tiny noise of a dog barking in the distance - maybe on the next street or a few houses down. And quickly, without warning, the entire street blows up into all the dogs from every house barking as if the world is ending. It goes on for what feels like minutes upon minutes, five passing into ten passing in to fifteen. In reality, it's probably one or two but in the state I am (which is, half-asleep and wondering where the hell I currently am) it feels like it is never-ending. This particular event happens a few times a night, and what sucks is that the dogs are usually barking at one of the following things:

1. a cat, especially the stupid orange and white male cat that walks so slowly down the street, it is like he is making the dogs go crazy intentionally;
2. a piece of paper/the wind;
3. communicating with another dog, just because;
4. nothing.

Finally they settle the hell down and I go back to sleep. But, wait! At 5 am, or maybe 6, the neighbor's stupid baby chicken decides, in his almighty highly-pitched voice, to squeak... and squeak... and squeak. And I pray that that chicken is a female and not a male because I cannot fathom the idea of a rooster one day waking me up with all his cockadoodledo's and shit, just because the neighbors wanted to raise a chicken. We live in a big city, and let me tell you, I always thought chickens lived in the country. I guess not! And please don't think I'm a bad person, but it has crossed my mind a few times that I wish they would just kill it off soon so I don't have to listen to it's little voice go on and on in the morning about nothing.

Over the past months, I've gotten used to listening to the different noises of the night. But the chicken has put me over the edge just a little bit. I don't particularly like my neighbors in this moment because of the chicken, the constant leaf sweeping (every morning, really?) and their loud friend who comes to talk on the phone at 7 or 8 am (what the hell?).

I want to shout "Peace and Quiet!" "Peace and Quiet for those of us who are on vacation for the next two weeks!!"

But then I remember, they won't understand me.